Domestic violence & healing

When You Can't Control Me,
So You Call Me Fat?
Bless Your Heart!

October 2026

There is a moment when a controlling person realizes they are no longer getting their way. You are no longer listening to every demand. You are thinking for yourself. You are setting boundaries. You are healing.

And suddenly, instead of having an adult conversation, they act like a middle-school bully who ran out of good comebacks.

That is when the insults begin.

My ex recently told my daughter that I had changed because I no longer listened to him. Then he moved on to attacking my appearance and called me fat. Bless his heart. When control is slipping away, some people will reach for the easiest thing they think might hurt.

But an insult is not truth just because someone says it loudly—or says it to your child.

When they cannot control you, they may try to shame you

People who depend on control often do not like the version of you that has found her voice. They may criticize your body, your parenting, your faith, your choices, or your past. Their goal is not honesty. Their goal is to make you doubt yourself enough to hand them their power back.

Do not do it.

You do not have to defend every part of yourself to someone committed to misunderstanding you. You do not have to explain why you changed. Healing changes people. Freedom changes people. Learning to say no changes people.

And sometimes the healthiest answer is a quiet, firm: “You do not get to speak about me that way.”

God sees more than the outside

“For the LORD sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart.” — 1 Samuel 16:7 (ESV)

God is not measuring you by a cruel comment, a number on a scale, or the opinion of someone who wanted to control you. He sees your heart. He sees the hard work it took to heal. He sees the nights you cried, the courage it took to leave unhealthy patterns behind, and the love you pour into your children.

Your worth was never up for debate.

Protecting your child matters too

It hurts differently when someone says cruel things about you to your child. They may hope their words will make your child question you, feel torn, or carry adult pain that never belonged on their little shoulders.

Your child does not need to hear you tear the other parent down in return. Your child needs steady truth: grown-up problems are not their fault, they are safe to love both parents, and nobody gets to use them as a messenger or a weapon.

You can protect your peace and your child’s heart at the same time. Keep communication calm, brief, and focused on what is necessary. Write things down. Get support from safe people. And remind your child, by your words and your life, what respectful love looks like.

Do not let their words become your inner voice

“I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” — Psalm 139:14 (ESV)

That verse does not say you are valuable only when someone approves of your appearance. It says you are wonderfully made by the God who knows every part of you and loves you completely.

So the next time someone tries to shrink you with a cheap insult, remember this: their words reveal their heart; they do not define yours.

You are allowed to grow. You are allowed to stop listening to control. You are allowed to take up space, heal out loud, and keep becoming the woman God is calling you to be.

And if somebody has a problem with that? Well… bless their heart.

— Still Faithful, Still a Mess